THE BUGS BUNNY/ROAD RUNNER HOUR

Written by Kevin McCorry

The Tasmanian Devil ferociously bellows to menace Bugs and the audience amid a forest stage backdrop in a Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Hour between-cartoon segement.

Stage Scene Transcripts

The following are transcripts of various between-cartoon scenes on stage originally produced for The Bugs Bunny Show and recycled on The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Hour and/or on The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Show, with some trimming in some cases. To make the transcripts as readable as possible, speech impediments such as Sylvester's lisp and Tweety's baby-like slurring and dialects like Bugs' Brooklyn-eese are not emphasized. However, Porky's stutter and Foghorn's Southern accent (essential to their humor) are incorporated into their transcribed dialogue.

Daffy Meets Taz On Stage

BUGS (gesticulating with his cane in one of his hands): "And introducing our host for the evening, that lovable, friendly, and talented personality. Your friend and mine, (puts cane on floor) Daffy Duck. (points cane to stage left, and Daffy is nowhere to be seen) "A-heh-heh! A-heh-heh! There seems to be a little mix-up. If you'll excuse me, I'll go see what's keeping him. (reaches upward to pull a motion picture screen to stage level) Meanwhile, you can take a look at this."

BUGS (knocking on the door to Daffy's dressing room): "Daffy, hurry up! You're on!"
DAFFY (from inside the dressing room): "Okay, okay. I'm coming. (Bugs walks away and Daffy exits dressing room, which is really a cramped broom closet, and Daffy struggles to shut door to keep brooms and other cleaning contents of closet from falling out of it- and he succeeds in closing door, with the star bearing his name on door tumbling to stage floor and revealing "broom closet" designation on door; Daffy lifts fallen star and repositions it on the door) Some dressing room for a big star like me. (brushes dust off of emcee "suit") It's so small, I have to go outside to change my mind. (begins to walk in direction of stage and collides with a large crate on floor) Oop! Hey, what's this? (reads the message on the crate) Danger!!! Tasmanian Devil!! Eats aardvarks, armadillos, bears, boars, cats, bats, dawgs, hawgs, stoats, goats, yaks, and old gnus, but prefers ducks?!!"
(Taz breaks out of side of crate and does his usual destructive spin, shearing through tree backdrops and reducing to a statue of a wooden Indian holding cigars to its underwear, and the Indian statue shows embarrassment)
DAFFY (standing in front of a mirror, adjusting hat, and seeing the rampaging Taz): "Yipe!" (Taz pursues Daffy)
BUGS (on stage and in a shrugging pose): "Gosh, folks. I'm sorry for the delay. Daffy should be out any minute now."
DAFFY (running past Bugs with spinning Devil close behind him): "Quick, Bugsy-boy. Do something quick! Hey-hey! Quick!"
BUGS (observing Taz's chase of Daffy and using cane to pull motion picture screen to stage level): "Heh, maybe this'll stop him." (Taz stops spinning and regards the screen while camera pulls into it)

Foghorn's Magic Trick

(Henery Hawk enters Bugs Bunny Show studio through rear exit door and by hopping ascends three stair steps)
HENERY (sniffing): "I smell chicken. I'm a chicken hawk, and I gotta have chicken." (continues sniffing while walking to camera's left)
FOGHORN (standing on stage): "With a little encouragement, Ah could be persuaded to sing a song. Heh-heh. Southern style, of course. (Foghorn discovers that he is moving not of his own volition and looks downward to see Henery pulling his foot) Hey, boy, what you trying to prove?"
HENERY (pointing at Foghorn): "You're a chicken, and I'm a chicken hawk. (grabs the bowing Foghorn's giblets) Are you coming quietly, or do I have to muss you up?"
FOGHORN (breaks Henery's grip and carries the chicken hawk in hand): "Oh, come now, boy. You've been reading too many dime novels. (drops Henery inside of a top hat atop a stage table adorned with an afghan bearing the name of the Great Houdini, rotates a wand above the hat, and tips hat with taps of the wand to show that Henery has disappeared) Now, that's what Ah call a real gone kid! Ah think Ah'll take advantage of this peace and quiet to watch an interview (adjusts a knob to activate a large television set) with Bugs Bunny." (camera pulls into television screen)

Foghorn and Miss Prissy

BUGS: "And now, I'd like to introduce the gentleman who will, in turn, introduce our guest emcee, (points cane in right direction) Mr. Foghorn Leghorn."
FOGHORN: "Well, now, thanks, Ah say, thanks loads, Mister Rabbit. Ah'm privileged, Ah say, Ah'm privileged tonight to introduce our first all-lady mistress of ceremonies. That flower of Southern poultry-hood, Miss Prissington Buff-Orpington Coach-in-China Pullet the Third, affectionately known as Miss Prissy. (gestures to stage right, where an empty chicken coop is situated, and Miss Prissy is absent) Miss Prissy, that is. (still no sign of the hen, and Foghorn walks toward the coop) Miss Prissy, Ah say Miss Prissy, are you there?"
MISS PRISSY (standing behind Foghorn at stage left, and the camera pans over to her): "Yeeeessss!"
FOGHORN (walking in direction of Prissy): "Miss Prissy here is the greatest talent to ever trod the American boards. A veritable Sarah Bernhardt of chickendom, aren't you, Miss Prissy?"
MISS PRISSY (affectionately eying Foghorn): "Yeeeessss!"
FOGHORN: "And what you're going to say is that you'd like to see your favorite screen star in a dramatic role, right?"
MISS PRISSY (fluttering her eyelids at Foghorn): "Yeeeessss!"

Daffy and the Sheepdog

DAFFY (wearing a rabbit suit to look somewhat like Bugs): "Now? Hmm? Yes? Now? Okay? Now?"
BUGS (off stage to the left, gesturing with his cane): "You're on. It's all yours."
DAFFY (takes bite out of carrot and chews a la Bugs): "Tonight, folks, we are inaugurating a new policy. I personally will do most of the entertaining since I personally have most of the talent."
SHEEPDOG (off stage to the right, with lights and a stage door sign behind him): "Rolf, rolf, reef, rolf, rolf, ralf, rolf, rolf. (moves in circles) Which way did he go? Which way did he go? Where's the little bunny-rabbit I saw on TV last week? Hmm? Hmm? Which way did he go? I have to catch him. (stops his circling and looks at camera) Actually, I am a sheepdog by trade, but this is my day off."
DAFFY: "Now, folks--"
SHEEPDOG (pounces and jumps on top of Daffy): "At last. At last. I have caught a bunny-rabbit."
DAFFY (pushing sheepdog off of him and standing): "Just a cotton-tailed minute, Rover. I am not no bunny-rabbit. (rubs dog hair off of his bunny costume) I am a duck."
SHEEPDOG: "A duck?"
DAFFY: "Yes, a duck."
SHEEPDOG (suddenly advances to be literally nose-to-eye with Daffy): "All right, if you are a duck, how come you have long ears?"
DAFFY (stepping backward from sheepdog and trying to conceal the conspicuous rabbit ears of his bunny costume): "Well, I, ah. It's, ah, well, it's, it's simple. You see, ah, well. That's, that's easy to explain. I--"
BUGS (at left corner of stage next to a "nature study" sign): "While he's explaining, let's take a trip with Sylvester."

Introducing "The Rabbit of Seville"

BUGS: "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, we thought we would go in for a little fast culture. (ordinary stage backdrop lifts to reveal a "Barber of Seville" set) So, without further adieu, it is my great privilege and pleasure to bring you, in its entirety, the great opera, "The Barber of Seville", by Gio-Gino-Antonio-Dante-Alberto-D'Nunzio-pasta-phasulo-Rossini."

Tune Tussle: Bugs and Yosemite Sam

BUGS (holding a guitar): "And now, folks, I will do an imitation of Frankie doing an imitation of Rickie imitating Elvis. (starts playing guitar and dancing by rapidly bending and unbending legs) Gee Whiz Willigans. Golly-gee. I love my gir-r-r-l, and she loves me. (flutters eyebrows suggestively at camera) Is my baby sweet? Sugar, candy, apple pie. When the two of us meet, oooh, yeah, I decide! (widens eyes for emphasis) Gee Whiz Willigans. Golly-gee. She's the prettiest thing you see. Gee Whiz Willigans. Golly-gee. Oh, I love my gir-r-r-l, and she loves me. And she loves me. And she loves me. (Yosemite Sam, in white pajamas and slippers, runs from his domicile adjacent to the studio of The Bugs Bunny Show, enters studio, and confronts Bugs on stage) And she loves me."
YOSEMITE SAM: "Can't ya see I'm trying to sleep?! (grabs guitar from Bugs) Give me that instrument, ya buck-toothed varmint!" (pulls and tears strings from the guitar while mumbling incoherently against Bugs' musical sense, then hands Bugs the wrecked instrument and walks off stage)

YOSEMITE SAM (after storming into the studio with his rifle in hand and twisting a miniature- capped Bugs' next musical device, a trumpet, into knots): "Here. (hands to Bugs the knotted trumpet) Now, if I hear just one peep, one little freep, I'll blast ya." (Bugs scratches his head while examining the damage to his trumpet, and Sam departs, uttering unintelligible curses)
BUGS (twirling his finger): "Ah, let's see now. The middle valve goes down, and the music goes round and round, and it comes out here. (points at rim of trumpet horn, then looks at camera) You know, folks, it may take awhile to figure this out. So, in the meantime, what do you say we look in on a real cool cat named Sylvester?"

Bugs' Demonstration of Animated Cartoon Physics

BUGS: "Eh, good evening, ladies and gentlemen. (camera pulls into a shot of Bugs from waist upward and stage lights dim, with Bugs handling carrot as though it were a cigar, dropping from its tip the equivalent of cigar ashes, and putting it into a pocket-like compartment on his grey "coat") Tonight is 'Reading Out Loud Night'. (walks to stage right) Ah, let's see now. (motions toward a series of book shelves) Ah, which one of our favorite stories shall we start with? (peruses the spined titles) Well, ah, let's see now. Ah. Yep. Here's a nice one. (pulls a red book from one of the shelves) Now, if we could have an appropriate setting-- (a backdrop with trees and bushes as in the opening of "Bewitched Bunny" emerges from stage top and fills stage from ceiling to floor; Bugs walks into it as everything in the backdrop assumes three-dimensional proportions, then looks backward toward the audience) Amazing isn't it? Walking right into a backdrop? (turns body totally in direction of audience) But shucks. (places book under his right arm and walks to stage right) You can get away with nearly anything-- in an animated cartoon. (walks partly up a tree trunk and stands sideways without difficulty) See. (continues ascending tree and stands upside down underneath branch) You can even defy the law of gravity. (falls to "ground" of backdrop) Um, unfortunately, I, ah, never studied law. (rises to standing position and rubs head) Like I said, you can get away with nearly anything-- in an animated cartoon. For instance, you don't have to walk out of a scene. You zip out. Like so. (dashes rightward out of camera's shot) Then zip back in again. (reappears in shot equally as quick) After which, you vibrate to a stop. Like so. (raises left leg and descends it to hit right leg to induce a quiver) Now, actually, if you study it in slow-motion, you can see what actually happens on one of those zips. Slow motion, please, Fred. Thhhaaaaankkkkkssssss. (does the rightward dash in an exaggerated series of running starts and very slowly moves to right beyond camera) You see? The zip is quicker than they eye. Now, we'll run through it again at a normal speed so you can do it too. Ready? (on doing same dash, Bugs is heard to collide with something, and camera pans right to reveal that Bugs ran directly into the tree trunk) It's surprising how hard these cartoon trees are. (retrieves book from "ground", to where it fell with Bugs during the faltered gravity-defiance demonstration) Well, maybe we'd better get back to business. (resumes walk into backdrop) Ah, let's see now. Where were we?" (commences reading book)

Bugs and the Dancing Pens

BUGS (holding red-topped pen while black-topped pen is between his ears): "My guest stars have asked me to make it clear to you that they are not professional show-pens. Their ink supply is somewhat limited. So, allow me (puts hand on chest) to introduce the next show (places red-topped pen between ears, next to its black-topped co-performer) while they (points to pens) look on."

Daffy's Overdue Introduction

(Bugs and Daffy are on stage, with Daffy looking annoyed)
BUGS (bowing and removing and re-donning hat): "Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to know how grateful I am for the kindness you have extended to our little show. And tonight we-- (Daffy taps Bugs on shoulder) Yes?"
DAFFY: "The name is Daffy Duck. D A double-F Y D U C uck. I, too, am a member of this little company. For weeks now, you have deliberately avoided introducing me. (raises voice) There are legalities involved here. I'll sue! So help me, I'll sue!!"
BUGS: "Yeah, yeah. All right. All right. Ahem. (removes hat) Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege at this time to right a great wrong (Daffy raises top of his hat with his finger in anticipation of an introduction) by introducing the most neglected yet the most delightful, lovablist, kindest-
to-his-motherist person on this show. (Daffy removes hat and prepares to bow) Our sponsor." (Daffy drops hat in shock)

Sylvester and Son On Stage

BUGS: "And now, your host for the evening, Sylvester Cat."
SYLVESTER: "Thank-you, br'er rabbit! It is an honor to be your emcee for tonight. I consider it a privilege, and-- (interrupted by clapping by Sylvester Jr., who is seated atop a crate to the left of the stage) Sssssh, Junior. Sssssh. (Sylvester Jr. does not stop applauding) Shut up and stop that clapping!"
SYLVESTER JR.: "Yes, father."
SYLVESTER (to audience): "Please excuse his enthusiasm. But, ah, you know how kids are. (nervously fidgets with his bow-tie) A-ha-ha!"
SYLVESTER JR. (to himself): "My father. (sighs) World's greatest mouser. He never fails to get his mouse. (crate bounces beneath Sylvester Jr., and the kitten looks inside a hole of the crate and sees the crate's content- Hippety Hopper) Good heavens! It's the world's largest mouse!"

Rocky and Mugsy's Intrusion

BUGS: "Ladies and gentlemen. Our guest star hasn't shown up yet. So, (pulls a film projector into frame) perhaps we can entertain ourselves with a short movie."
ROCKY (pointing pistol at Bugs): "Okay, rabbit. Grab a cloud. This is a stick-up."
MUGSY (also pointing his pistol at Bugs): "Yeah, a stick-up." (his gun thrusts into Rocky's hat)
ROCKY: "Back up, Mugsy."
MUGSY (complying with Rocky's directive): "Duh, sorry, boss."
BUGS: "Eh, what's up, Doc?"
ROCKY: "Get lost, rabbit. We're takin' over."
BUGS: "But I--"
MUGSY (escorting Bugs off stage at gunpoint): "Duh, you heard the boss. When he says, 'Get lost,' he means get lost."
ROCKY (pointing his pistol ahead at television screen): "Okay, youse mugs in the audience. Get set for some real entertainment. (twirls his gun) Pipe the fancy shootin'. (his gun fires a bullet through his hat, causing the hat to deflate and sag over his head, blocking his vision) Well, as long as the lights is out, we'd just as well see what is it on the projector." (starts projector, and camera pans to a film screen)

Bugs Mediates With Mac and Tosh

(Gophers walk onto stage in procession, then stop)
GOPHER 1: "I'm so sorry. I was completely out of step."
GOPHER 2: "Oh, no, no, no. You must be mistaken. You were in perfect synchronization. It must have been me!"
GOPHER 1: "Ridiculous! Your sense of rhythm is superb! I am the guilty party in this case."
GOPHER 2: "I am sorry, but I cannot let you take the blame for some wrong I am responsible for. No. No. No."
BUGS (standing at left side of stage): "This week, we have brought to you- at very little expense- two personalities from the motion picture screen. Mac and Tosh, the Gopher Twins."
GOPHER 1: "I don't want to appear to be stubborn about this, but you were in step!"
GOPHER 2: "As much as I would like to agree with you, I just can't accept that! I have to live with myself, you know."
BUGS: "Hey, ah, fellas, listen, we've got a show to do!"
GOPHER 1: "I'm sorry, Mr. Bunny, but we have a difference of opinion we would like to settle. Would you mind going on with something else until we get this ironed out?"
GOPHER 2: "Yes, would you mind terribly, old boy?"
BUGS: "Well, we hadn't planned it, but--"
GOPHER 1: "Thank-you. That was very kind of him, wasn't it?"
GOPHER 2: "Yes, very kind indeed."
GOPHER 1: "Shall we proceed?"
GOPHER 2: "Yes, I think we should."

(Gopher 1 stands on top of Gopher 2)
GOPHER 2: "Then it's all settled. You announce the first attraction."
GOPHER 2: "But, but, I just realized we just saw the first attraction."
GOPHER 1: "So, now it's your turn."
GOPHER 2: "Oh, no, no, no, no. You missed your turn. It's only right that you announce this one."
GOPHER 1: "Oh, but I couldn't be so selfish. I insist that you announce this one."
GOPHER 2: "I beg if you don't insist."
(laying on the floor with his upper body propped by a chair, Bugs is resting his head on his hand, clearly bored by the Goofy Gophers' modest haranguing)
GOPHER 1: "Very well. I won't insist, but why don't we watch the second attraction while we decide who's announcing?"
GOPHER 2: "Peachy! Perfectly peachy!"
GOPHER 1: "Do you really think so?"
GOPHER 2: "Oh, I do! I really do! Splendidly peachy!"

Bugs' Dog Lecture

ANNOUNCER: "And now, that Oscar-winning rabbit, Bugs Bunny."
(Bugs rises to stage floor level from beneath via hole-shaped elevator)
BUGS (putting his carrot in a cigarette holder): "Good evening, folks. As everyone knows, a rabbit's best friend is his carrot. Steadfast, lovable, uncomplaining, trustworthy, (does a Boy Scout pledge gesture) loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and benevolent. The carrot is a living doll. (kisses it then places it inside a genie's-bottle-shaped flowerpot) Now, you just wait there, little one. Don't go away. I'll be back for you right after the show. (raises a pointer and moves to stand in front of a slide-projector screen) Now, the subject of tonight's lecture is man's best friend, the tarantula. (picture on screen is of a caricatured spider) Ahem. A new projectionist, I hope. Ahem. The subject of tonight's lecture is-- man's best friend. (a Whistler's Mother portrait replaces the tarantula) Oh, he's a good one! But if you think I'm going to get into an argument over the sanctity of American motherhood, you are quite mistaken. Ladies and gentlemen, the subject of tonight's lecture is man's best-- animal-- friend, the dog. (projectionist selects a picture of a wiener) The domestic dog! (wiener in an apron is shown) How can such a simple subject become so complicated? Look, Mr. Projectionist, just for the sake of getting this show on the road, could we have a picture of a sheepdog? (a mongrel with a $1.35 price tag appears on screen) Hey, friend, I said sheepdog, not cheap dog!!! (projectionist finally chooses a correct image, that of Sam Sheepdog) Hey, what happened up there? We got the right slide. Now, we bring you the true-life, dramatic struggle between a sheepdog and his fierce and ruthless enemy, the wolf."

BUGS (with a moving shot of a dog scratching its carcass): "Actually, the dog has very few natural enemies, and of those, there is only one that gives him serious trouble- the cat. But in certain cases, the cat can also be a good friend to the dog."

Bugs' Bird Lecture

BUGS: "Tonight, we have prepared a special show in behalf of the bird-lovers of America. I think that would take in just about anyone, for who doesn't love birds? (gestures to a film screen where images of various birds appear) First, the robin red-breast. Always a welcome bird as he exemplifies spring. The following is one I think you are familiar with. The bluebeard. (a bird with a long, blue beard is shown) Oh! Heh-heh-heh! I mean bluebird."
BLUEBIRD (sings the blues): "Am I blue? Am I blue? Are these tears in these eyes telling you?"
BUGS: "The meadowlark is followed closely by the blue jay. (a blue-colored, capital letter "J" is displayed, to Bugs' obvious annoyance) Jay bird, that is. (picture of blue jay replaces the alphabetical "J") Yeah, that's better. This is the vulture, a bird even bird-lovers dislike. Did you ever see anything uglier or more repulsive?"
VULTURE: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. (sticks his tongue scornfully at Bugs) Neah!"
BUGS: "If you will cast your eyes to my right, you will observe a species of bird known as the mockingbird."
MOCKINGBIRD: "You will observe a species known as the mockingbird."
BUGS: "Dry up, buster. We're on the air."
MOCKINGBIRD: "Dry up, buster. We're on the air."
BUGS: "Heh-heh-heh! Let us continue."
MOCKINGBIRD: "Heh-heh-heh! Let us continue."
BUGS (using his carrot to hit mockingbird on head): "Shut up."
MOCKINGBIRD (violently striking Bugs on head with a mallet): "Shut up."
BUGS (rises from floor onto which he was malleted into a seated position): "How about we skip the mockingbird? Our main topic for today is the bird in his struggle for survival. We show you the Tweety bird in his natural habitat."
TWEETY (standing in the belly of a silhouetted cat): "Oops! This isn't my natural habitat. This is just to remind me to be more careful. (runs into his bird cage) This is more like it."
BUGS: "Now, with the aid and assistance of our little, feathered friend, we present a little story depicting the trials and tribulations of a domesticated bird. All ready, Tweety?"
TWEETY: "Okay, Bugsy. Let her roll."

BUGS (standing in front of a desert backdrop): "The desert is home to many interesting species of birds, like the Road Runner, often clocked at 60 miles-an-hour. Here he comes now."
ROAD RUNNER (whooshing past Bugs): "Beep, beep!"
BUGS: "And there he goes."

Banana Peel Send-Off

ANNOUNCER: "And now, that Oscar-winning rabbit, Bugs Bunny."
BUGS (pointing cane to stage right): "And co-starring George P. Dog, who will act as master of ceremonies."
BARNYARD DOG: "Thanks, Mr. Bunny. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we have a real Jim-dandy program for yous. So, without further adieu--"
FOGHORN (walking into camera shot and eating a banana): "A-doo-dah. A-doo-dah. Lum-dum-dum da-da-dee dum-dum. Oh-de-doo-dah-day."
BARNYARD DOG (whispering): "You're lousing up my act."
FOGHORN (dropping banana peel onto stage floor): "But Ah insist on giving you a big send-off. (places dog atop banana peel and pushes him off stage via the slippery peel) That dawg's goin' to make his mark on the world. He's got to! He can't write."

Bugs and Daffy's Sponsor Introduction

BUGS (bows): "Thank-you very much. (pulls carrot from pocket) I want to say hello to every one of you from every one of me." (Daffy, standing beside Bugs, decides to change into a rabbit costume, swiftly leaves stage, and returns so-dressed to emulate all of Bugs' dialogue and movements)
BUGS and DAFFY: "And we think we have quite a nice show. Drama, variety, (twirling carrot) and even a wonderful sponsor."

Porky and Charlie Dog

ANNOUNCER: "Starring the Oscar-winning rabbit, Bugs Bunny."
BUGS (bows): "And co-starring the famous Porky Pig." (points cane in Porky's direction)
PORKY: "L-l-ladies and g-g-gentlemen, I am to bu-bu bu-bu. I am to be-be bu-bu. I am to bu-bu bu-bu. I am to bu-be bu-be. To be or not to be. No. No. I am to be your emcee tonight, and I consider it--"
CHARLIE (from right corner of stage): "Pst. Pst. Come here."
PORKY (walking partly in Charlie's direction): "L-l-look, we're on the air. W-w-what's the big idea?"
CHARLIE: "Come here. (Porky moves closer to Charlie so that Charlie can whisper in his ear) Can you use a dog? I happen to know where you can get one cheap."
PORKY (walks back to centre stage): "We-we we-we-what? T-t-that's ridiculous. And now, l-l- ladies and gentlemen, I would like to tell you a story about a s-s-sweet, little pussycat who lived in a n-n-nice American home."

PORKY: "And n-n-now, friends, I'm going to ah--"
CHARLIE (fully on stage): "Look, bud. Don't miss this golden opportunity. I am 50 percent pointer. (points his finger in various directions) There it is. There it is. There it is. 50 percent boxer. (does some boxing moves) 50 percent setter. (sits on a stool and smokes a pipe) Irish setter. 50 percent watchdog. (pulls a pocket watch out of his waist fur) 50 percent spitz." (spits on floor of stage, inflaming Porky, who acts to remove Charlie from the stage)

PORKY (walking onto stage after supposedly disposing of Charlie): "Well, I hope I got rid of that pest."
CHARLIE (peeking from corner of stage): "But mostly I'm all Labrador retriever."
PORKY: "Oh, you are n-n-not a Labrador retriever."
CHARLIE (walking fully onto stage): "I'm not."
PORKY: "No. You are n-n-not neither no Labrador retriever."
CHARLIE: "Look, if you doubt my word, get me a Labrador, and I'll retrieve it. That's fair, isn't it?"
PORKY (befuddled): "A l-l-Labrador? W-w-well sure, I... ah... you..."
CHARLIE (using a toothpick to irreverently pick between his teeth): "Have you got a Labrador?"
PORKY: "No."
CHARLIE: "Know where you can get a Labrador?"
PORKY: "N-n-n-no."
CHARLIE: "Then shut up. (Porky, enraged and literally blowing top, grabs Charlie and starts to carry the annoying mutt permanently off stage) Hey, Bugs, this might be a good time for you to take over."
PORKY: "Y-y-yes. M-m-maybe we'd better."
BUGS (seated at his desk on stage and somewhat surprised at Charlie's suggestion): "Huh? Oh, oh, oh, yes. A funny thing happened to me on the way to the studio, eh--"

Animation Lesson Drawing Daffy

BUGS (taps his cap): "Ladies and gentlemen, tonight is a sort of an educational night. We thought you might find it informative to see how we go about drawing an animated cartoon character. Now, of all characters, a duck is the easiest to draw because a duck is almost laughably simple and stupid himself. (places cane on a hanger, sits at an animator desk situated on stage, and lifts a paintbrush) First, you draw a dumbbell. (draws a black one) Add some eyes. Eh, little, pink, sneaky ones are best. (does so) Then, a few feathers, some skinny wings, and some silly, flat feet." (Bugs has drawn Daffy minus a beak, and the Daffy figure on the animator canvass frowns and lifts a sign reading, "How about a mouth, Jack?")
BUGS: "Oh, yeah. A mouth or a bill. (adds the desired item to Daffy's profile) Ducks always have bills. A-heh-heh-heh! Delinquent bills, that is. Heh-heh-heh!"
DAFFY (after extending his tongue and licking his newly acquired beak): "All right, you two-bit Rembrandt. You've finally done it. Humiliating me in front of all of my friends. Ducks always have bills. Ho-ho. Very funny."

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